Research that kills me

i am trying hard to focus,
but sadly,
i was so trap by myself

drowsiness and everything

i am pushing myself this few days
i am pushing myself real hard
Maybe i could do something extraordinary-real hard
at least i could benefit something

but still, i am getting nowhere
such as,
i read on the paper
with a blank mind

have u heard about the surah that mention,
when u do the sadakah, with shirk on it,
there is no sincerity on it,
and u hurt the ones who receives ur sadakah by all means

in suratul baqarah.

its like, a stone being decorated by magnificient sand
(ahha-metaphore sangat... it just stone with sand on their surface)
and when Allah send heavily rain, it leave the stone by its own
the sand is vanished.nothing more.

thats another story, but what i am trying to say that,
after all these while, i am putting sand on the stone by reading

i come to notice that, the sand slowly dissapear,
sometimes
its like, i never see any sand anymore

what i read just hour before, seems hardly digest
i already read it yesterday, but when i open it today.
nu-uh, its not there anymore

heartlessly-i read and read.

yup, because i am trying that hard.

i need to catch up all my team member who already far in front of me.
i know, i ve worry too much that i wont understand all the stuff
so, it led me to not understand anything.

my mind control it all.
i shall do something with myself.
hey, its already september.
i am already in my 2nd final semester.

yet,
i know nothing bout my research, no paper at all.
no passion, nothing

O Allah,  help me, help me go thru it,
help me understand what i am doing with
and fill up me with passion, sincerity

help me have the barakah in the time i spent for it
Help me to serve ur deen by this research,

O Allah, i might need to do extra work, maybe a sleepless night for it.
O Allah, guide me :)

Allahuma aameen